


Hard to Forget

by a1_kitkat



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Bullying, Camping, Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Friendship, Kylex, M/M, Making Up, Not Beta Read, Swimming, Teenagers, Truth or Dare, Tumblr Prompt, making amends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 04:12:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18731332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: for @sp-ac-ep-re-si-de-nt on tumblrKyle was Alex's first crush, first kiss, first heartbreak





	Hard to Forget

The sun wasn’t even up when Jesse roused the two teens from their slumber. He often barked orders at them and Alex had long learned it best to just do as instructed so he woke first and methodically rolled his sleeping bag, tucked it in its cover and placed it aside while Kyle yawned and asked for ‘just five more minutes. Alex giggled but shook him awake; he knew his father wouldn’t come down on Kyle the way he would on him but there was always a chance Jesse would blame Kyle’s laziness on Alex so he wasn’t willing to take that risk.

 

When Jesse yelled that he wanted them both at the table in ten minutes, Alex obeyed. Precisely seven minutes later, Alex was dressed and sitting at the kitchen table but nine and a half minutes later Kyle made an appearance. Kyle  _ always _ straddled the line, he never crossed it but he liked to come close.

 

Breakfast was a somber affair; Alex could feel his father’s gaze, watching and judging him. He still didn’t know what he’d done to make his father snap like he had. Jesse Manes had always been a hard man, harsh and brash but not easy to get close to. His motto about how to be a ‘Real Manes Man’ had been drilled into Alex since birth yet he still wasn’t sure what it actually meant. It obviously had something to do with the Air Force as each of his brother’s seem to have qualified for the honor but Jesse often looked at Alex like he was nothing but a disappointment.

 

After a hearty breakfast, Kyle joked he could use a nap and Jesse laughed. Alex tensed, anything that made his father smile couldn’t bode well for anyone. He told the boys to meet him at the car. Kyle and Alex exchanged a look, they weren’t meant to be heading home for a few more days and there were still so many things they hadn’t done yet. Toasting marshmallows being the top priority.

 

They begrudgingly headed outside and waited by the car until Jesse unlocked it and told them to get in. It was several more minutes before he joined them and that involved a few trips to the trunk. Kyle became excited, believing Jesse was finally taking them hunting now they were old enough but Alex had his doubts especially since Kyle’s father wasn’t coming with them.

 

Jesse got in the car and off they went but not in the direction of home, they headed further and further away. Alex checked his watch and an hour had passed then another but still no one had said a word. He finally turned onto a back road and drove a bit before he pulled over, stopped the car and they all climbed out. Jesse opened the trunk and pulled out two bags, handed one to Alex and another to Kyle. Both boys exchanged confused looks then Jesse handed them their sleeping bags. He also gave Kyle a map and a compass.

 

“The coordinates of the cabin are on the map” Jesse told them “you have three days to make it back”

“Wait, what?” Kyle was confused but Alex felt sick.

His father was just going to leave them out here.

“It’s teaching survival skills, Kyle” Jesse informed him.

“And my dad agreed to this?” 

“Of course”

But Jesse was lying through his teeth and Alex could see that. There was no point arguing with him so Alex just nodded his head and affixed the backpack his father had given him then he picked up the sleeping bag.

 

“This is crazy” Kyle argued.

“Kyle, don’t” Alex wouldn’t look at his father, his eyes focused on the ground instead.

“My dad would never-”

“I’ll tell you what, son, when you get back to the cabin, you can ask him yourself”

 

That was the last thing Jesse said to them before he turned on his heel and walked away, leaving the two boys completely alone in the middle of nowhere.

 

Kyle ranted and raved for five minutes straight, Alex merely sat down and waited for him to finish. When he eventually calmed down, Alex tried to remain positive. The prospect of not being around his father for the next three days was like a dream come true!

 

“Kyle, it’ll be okay” Alex assured him.

“How? We’re in the middle of nowhere!”

“Well we’re not totally helpless. He left us food, a tent and our sleeping bags. All we have to do is walk, set up camp, sleep, walk… it’s actually rather simple”

“You seem way too calm about this”

“Of course your dad didn’t agree to this” Alex said to him. Kyle immediately sank down to sit opposite him. “This is just another of my dad’s cruel games but once your dad gets back, he’ll come looking for us”

“How do you know that?”

 

Alex stared down at his hands.

“Because he promised” he whispered “he promised he’d always be there for me whenever I needed him”

He wouldn’t look up so he missed the look on Kyle’s face.

“When did he…” Kyle cleared his throat “when did he make that promise?”

“Last year, after we got back from the cabin and my dad” Alex paused. Kyle didn’t know what his father did to him and he never wanted him to. “My dad…. forgot my birthday but your dad showed up and took me to the Crashdown for a milkshake. He promised he’d always be there”

 

Kyle’s face hardened and he looked away. His father had never made him a promise like that but maybe he didn’t need to. Jim was always there for Kyle and he never doubted him.

 

“So we should just make camp here and wait for my dad to come get us?” Kyle suggestion.

“No!” Alex hissed. 

If they sat on their asses and waited to be rescued, Alex would never hear the end of it. Plus he knew it wasn’t his father’s words that he feared.

“We have a compass, we know the cabin is south so we head south”

“Are you sure?”

“Imagine how proud they’ll be when we make it back on our own? You know my dad expects us to fail”

“I know”

“But I can get us back, you just have to trust me”

“I trust you, Alex. You’re my best friend, of course I trust you”

 

*

 

Kyle’s kind words echoed in Alex’s mind for the next few hours, he even blushed on occasion because hearing his friend say those words to him was uplifting. He’d never had anyone put such faith and trust in him before and he wasn’t going to let Kyle down.

 

They walked for hours, following the map and the compass. Alex wasn’t expecting there to be any trouble, he knew his father wouldn’t want any harm to come to Kyle, he didn’t want that either. They stopped for lunch then continued on until the sun began to set and they set up basecamp.

Alex built a fire and Kyle spread their sleeping bags, they didn’t bother with the tent because it was such a nice night. The two boys lie on their beds staring up at the sky, counting all the stars. Alex closed his eyes and wished things could always be like this, just him and Kyle alone under the stars. When he asked Kyle if he felt the same, he was met with the sounds of his friends gentle snoring. He laughed then settled down and drifted off himself.

 

*

 

Kyle awoke first and immediately wanted to probe himself to Alex. It had been reassuring to see his friend take charge of the situation but Kyle wasn’t completely useless. He had breakfast waiting when Alex awoke and they giggled like school girls while they ate.

 

Refreshed and ready, they set off again but a little slower today because Alex realized they’d made more progress the previous day than he thought and he wasn’t in a hurry to get back. A part of him wanted to still be out here when Jim came back, he was sure Jim Valenti would but Jesse Manes in his place for what he’d done to their boys.

 

“Hey Alex?” Kyle began “where do you think they go?”

“Who go where?” Alex asked.

“Our dads… they bring us out here every summer but they don’t hang around. One or the other always runs off somewhere”

“Don’t start all the conspiracy theories, Kyle”

“But it’s weird, right? We come out here, the middle of nowhere and they claim to be hunting but when was the last time either of them actually caught anything?”

Alex frowned; Kyle did have a point.

“So what’s your theory?” He asked him.

“They’re up to something… something secret or dangerous”

“So they bring their kids along?”

“We’re the perfect cover! And now that we’re older, they’re testing us so they can bring us in on it”

 

Alex laughed. He loved Kyle’s imagination.

“Kyle, my dad is an Air Force Sergeant… he’s not going to trust two sixteen year old kids”

“We’re not kids anymore, Alex!”

“We haven’t even finished high school”

“Senior year is right around the corner”

“And Graduation is a long way off”

“Do you know what you’re gonna do yet?”

“You’re off to Michigan right? To get ready for med school”

“Yep… Come on, Alex what do you want to do with the rest of your life?”

“I don’t know”

 

Kyle spun around and grabbed both of Alex’s hands in his.

“Sure you do” he playfully teased “you just don’t want to tell me!”

“It’s not that” Alex replied in a defeated tone “my dad would never… let me”

“He wants you to enlist, yeah?” Kyle released one hand but didn’t realize he was still holding the other.

“Become a Real Manes Man” Alex stated “because the Air Force is the only place that can happen”

“But what do you want to do?”

 

Alex averted his eyes, stared down at their entwined fingers.

“I want to make music” he mumbled.

 

Kyle broke into a wide grin then pulled Alex into his arms, spinning them both around in circles.

“Come, we shall make beautiful music together” he teased while Alex laughed and Kyle dipped him.

 

They both giggled while Kyle stood them both back up and Alex stared into his friends eyes, his heart was racing at being held in Kyle’s arms. He laughed again and casually broke free of the embrace, fearing his own actions if he didn’t step away. He couldn’t act on these feelings, he just couldn’t.

 

“So why don’t you?” Kyle asked.

Alex had already started walking away so Kyle hurried to catch up to him.

“Why don’t you focus on music?” He continued “move to Nashville and be a country star”

“Why would you think I like country music?”

“I don’t know” he shrugged his shoulders “you were always really into those John Wayne movies”

“What’s John Wayne to do with country music?”

“I don’t know!”

 

They both laughed and Kyle picked up a rock, threw it at a nearby tree.

“Reckon I can make three in a row?” He asked.

“Uh yeah” Alex rolled his eyes while Kyle searched for another rock.

“There’s a stream up ahead” Alex said. “Why don’t we set up camp here for the night?”

“We’ve barely covered any ground since lunch”

“But there’s a stream, we can go for a swim”

“Well, when you put it like that…”

 

Kyle dropped the bag with the tent, yanked his shirt off and threw it at Alex who caught it and threw it back.

“Let’s get the tent up first, okay?” Alex suggested.

 

They worked together to set the tent up, Kyle refusing to put his shirt back on the entire time; Alex found his eyes wandering and he had to force himself not to stare. Once the camp was ready, the two teens ran down to the stream, kicked their shoes off and Kyle stripped off, down to his underwear before jumping into the water.

Alex was less certain so he removed his jeans but kept his shirt on.

 

They splashed about in the water for a long time, Kyle playfully being way too handsy but Alex lived for even the smallest of his touches. When Kyle yelped at the cramp in his leg, they made their way to the shore and Alex massaged the muscle for him but all the intimate touching became too much and Alex quickly threw himself back into the water while Kyle lazed about on the water’s edge.

 

Alex stayed in the water, floating on his back and gazing up at the sky. Once again, he wished life could be like this always. Away from his father and older brothers, where he didn’t have to answer to anyone and would be free to just be himself.

He eventually swam to the shore and left the water where he found Kyle lying on his back with his eyes closed, hands propped beneath his head. He was completely naked.

 

Alex’s eyes trailed over Kyle’s body, lingering over his abs before he found himself staring at his cock. His heart skipped a beat and he quickly turned away, immediately felt guilty for gawking over his attractive friend.

He hurried away, back to the tent and swapped out his wet shirt for a dry one then started to build a fire. Alex was eating a piece of jerky when Kyle plopped down next to him, grabbed the jerky from him and took a big bite.

 

“So I know your dad can be a bit tough” Kyle said as he handed the jerky back “but this is actually kinda fun… reminds me of camp but without all the rules”

“I never got to go to camp” Alex confessed “but it always sounded like fun”

“We used to stuff ourselves with food and play stupid games like truth or dare and spin the bottle”

 

Alex took another bite of jerky to avoid saying anything else.

“Let me guess, you’ve never played either?” Kyle teased.

“We used to play truth or dare all the time” Alex argued.

“And you  _ always _ picked truth because you were boring”

“You always picked dare!”

 

Kyle smirked.

“Truth or dare, Manes” he asked him.

“We are not doing this right now”

“Truth or dare?”

“No!” But Alex was laughing.

“Truth or dare?”

“Truth!” Alex gave in.

“Exactly my point!” Kyle laughed “you’re so predictable, Manes” he sighed and pondered for a moment. “Who do you think is hotter, Liz or Maria?”

“How am I supposed to answer that? Liz, obviously”

“You thinking of making a move on my girl?”

“Never!”

“I’m teasing, Alex!”

 

“Truth or dare, Kyle?” Alex asked.

“Truth” he replied.

“Have you and Liz ever… you know?”

“Gone to second base, gone to third? Scored a home run?”

“You know I don’t get the sport metaphors”

“There’s been a lot of action but fully clothed, I am a gentleman after all”

Alex laughed.

“That you are”

“Truth or dare, Alex?”

“Truth”

 

They went back and forth a few times until Kyle’s questions became too triggering (Alex didn’t want to talk about his mother or his family) and he started to choose dare. Kyle dared him to climb the nearest tree but once he was up there, he was too nervous to climb back down so he was forced to dare Kyle to come up and get him; Kyle bravely climbed up to help him down.

 

Once back on solid ground, Kyle was kind enough to not make fun of him.

 

“I’m sorry” Kyle apologized “I didn’t mean to dare you to do something scary”

“There are more terrifying things out there, Kyle”

“Really? Well then I dare you to do something that you’re afraid of”

 

Kyle waited, expecting Alex to declare he wasn’t going to follow his father’s orders and not join the Air Force but instead, Alex leaned in and kissed him firmly on the lips.

 

Kyle immediately shoved Alex away, right against the tree they’d just climbed.

“What the Hell, Manes?” Kyle shouted.

Alex looked absolutely terrified but instead of saying anything, he turned on his heel and ran off. He disappeared into the woods but Kyle didn’t go after him.

 

*

 

Alex didn’t return to camp all night; Kyle stayed awake and kept the fire burning so Alex could find his way back but he never showed up. The sun rose with still no sign of him. Kyle didn’t know what to do but he consulted the map and realized he wasn’t very far from the cabin at all. They could’ve easily made it back the previous day but Alex hadn’t wanted to return.

 

Kyle ventured out, calling his friends name but didn’t receive any response. He was genuinely concerned now so he left everything where it was and started back to the cabin, arriving the same time as his father who took one look at him and knew something was wrong.

 

“Kyle, where have you been?” Jim asked him.

“Alex is missing” he blurted.

“What?”

“Sergeant Manes dumped us in the woods and we had to walk back using these” he held up the map and the compass “but Alex and I got into a fight and he took off last night and I haven’t seen him since”

 

They didn’t even bother to look for Jesse, Jim just asked Kyle to lead the way and they hurried off to find Alex. When Jim found him, Alex was on the brink of hypothermia; having spent the night wandering around half dressed in the woods. Jim carried him back to the cabin and tucked him in bed, under every blanket he could get his hands on. 

 

Kyle sat on the porch, listening to their father’s argue how best to treat Alex who slept the entire day away. When Jim came outside to check on Kyle, he couldn’t keep the truth from his dad. He looked him in the eye and told him point blank that Alex had kissed him and he’d rejected him which was why he’d run away.

Jim put his arm around Kyle and thanked his son for confiding in him. He told him it was imperative Jesse never hear this information. The more Jim talked, the more annoyed Kyle became for it was clear to him that Jim cared more for Alex than he did for him. His father never once asked how Kyle felt about what had happened.

 

By the time school started back, the beginning of senior year, Kyle’s annoyance had manifested into resentment. On the first day of class, when Alex approached and tried to talk to him for the first time since that day in the woods, Kyle had looked into Alex’s eyes and sneered at him.

In front of his jock buddies, Kyle pushed Alex to the ground.

 

“Don’t come near me ever again, faggot” Kyle spat on him; so did his friends. 

 

The cruel irony was that Alex still loved him.

 

**********************

 

Kyle pulled his car around in front of his dad’s old hunting cabin, the one that now belonged to Alex, and peered through the windshield. He could see Alex sitting on the front porch with his guitar, gently strumming it. His hair was slightly longer, messier but in an intentional way and his clothes were definitely not military issue, more obvious signs that Alex was now a free man.

He took a deep breath and slowly stepped out of the car, carefully made his way over to his friend.

 

“Alex” he greeted him.

Alex looked up at him and smiled in greeting. It hurt, knowing that happiness was about to be destroyed with his next words.

“We need to talk” Kyle added.

 

Alex nodded and put the guitar aside then indicated for Kyle to join him on the stoop but Kyle had to decline, had to keep his distance.

 

“Kyle, what's wrong?” Alex sounded worried.

“We have to talk”

“Okay… but you’ve already told me that my dad shot you in cold blood and that you put him in a coma; I don’t really see how it can get any worse than that”

“It can” Kyle sighed and buried his hands in his pockets. “Your dad found out you were gay because of me”

“What?” Alex was confused.

“Do you remember that summer when your dad dumped us in the woods and we had to make our way back here?”

 

Alex looked away but nodded. Of course he remembered, it was hard to forget his first kiss and first rejection from the boy he loved. He closed his eyes; guessed it was becoming a prerequisite for him to always be rejected.

 

“I remember” Alex cleared his throat to prevent himself from showing any emotion.

“After we found you and got back to the cabin, I told my dad why you tan off… what happened between us”

“Nothing happened, Kyle. I kissed you and effectively destroyed the only good thing in my life”

“And I’m so sorry for how I reacted, I really am… but I was a dumb kid, I didn’t know how to handle something like that”

“You think I did?”

“No! And that’s why I told my dad because of what you said about him promising to always be there for you. I figured you’d need someone in your corner since I couldn’t be”

 

Alex shifted on the step and reached for his guitar, not because he wanted it just for something to do.

“When your dad shot me” Kyle continued “and he thought I was dying… he  _ thanked _ me for letting him know the truth about you… said he’d suspected for a while and… he sent us out into the woods because he…” he paused, didn’t want to say the next part but he had to “he thought me rejecting you would be the wake up you needed but when that didn’t work… that’s when he started beating you”

 

He starting strumming the guitar.

“Are you even listening to me?” Kyle asked him.

“What my dad did to me had nothing to do with you, Kyle. He beat me long before that day in the woods… the difference was he started taunting me, kept telling me I should’ve just stayed out there… that he was disappointed when Jim found me”

“And uh when exactly did he start beating you?”

“He started the previous summer…”

“After we built the treehouse, yeah?”

“Yeah…”

“Which was when you started to fall for me, right?”

“Kyle-”

“I told you, your dad knew how you felt about me… used me as bait and I’m sorry if I led you on”

“You didn’t, you never did, never have. You’re safe from me, Kyle”

 

“Alex, please?”

“Senior year, Kyle” Alex continued “everywhere I went, the sneers and the taunting… it followed me because when I tried to apologize to you, you called me a faggot and that’s what everyone called me… behind my back. You were the only one who ever said it to my face”

“I was an asshole because I was jealous of the relationship you had with my dad. I mean, he left  _ you _ this cabin, not me”

 

“Your dad was the only person in this town who knew my truth and didn’t care” Alex said “my being gay didn’t phase him at all. The night my dad caught me and Guerin in the toolshed, he beat me so bad that I couldn’t even stand up but I called Jim and came and got me; he patched me up and all he wanted to know was if Guerin loved me”

Tears were streaming down Alex’s cheeks. Kyle immediately reached out but stopped himself, unsure if Alex really wanted comfort from him right now.

“The last time I saw your dad, before my deployment in 2013” he continued “he asked about Guerin, wanted to know if things had worked out for us”

“What did you tell him?”

“That Guerin would always have a place in my heart because I loved him and he took a hammer to the hand for me”

“And you were willing to stay in an exploding building for him” Kyle said as he sat down next to Alex.

 

“I don’t blame Guerin for what’s happened” Alex continued. “Our relationship was doomed from the start. We’re both trapped in this cycle where we keep hurting each other, over and over… we can’t go on like that so he made the right call. One of us had to make that difficult step to break the cycle”

“I’m sorry I caused you so much pain” Kyle reached out and took hold of Alex’s hand. 

“You were a scared kid”

“So were you and I should’ve handled it better”

 

“Truth or dare, Kyle” Alex whispered.

“Dare” Kyle replied.

“I dare you to forgive yourself”

“Alex!”

“I  _ dare _ you to forgive yourself, Kyle”

 

“Truth or dare, Alex”

“Truth”

“Do you still think I’m hot?”

 

Alex laughed and playfully punched Kyle.

“Okay, I’m kidding! I have a better question!” Kyle looked at him “if you could do it all again, would you still kiss me?”

“Yes because you were my first crush”

 

“Truth or dare, Alex?” 

“No, you don’t get two in a row!”

“Then dare me to do something stupid”

 

Alex sighed.

“I dare you to do something meaningful” Alex said to him.

Kyle reached up, cupped his chin then leaned closer and kissed Alex firmly, deeply on the lips.

  
  
  



End file.
